Fall 2021 Update

December 22, 2021December 22, 2021 mwalesh

Well here we are on the brink of winter amid worsening pandemic concerns, but life ultimately continues to go on. Summer tan lines are mostly faded and its already dark by 4:30 but I can confidently say this fall has been the swiftest one yet. I’ve done so many incredible things that I had been waiting all confinement to experience. Here are a few I’ll share!

Traveling to Corsica

Prior to this four day vacation with friends, I probably wouldn’t have been able to point out this small island to the south of France on a map and other than knowing this is where Napoleon was born, I wouldn’t have been able to say much about it either. If I had to describe Corsica in one phrase, it would be “Holy Shit, this landscape looks like a fucking painting its so gorgeous” which is more or less what I said several times a day. Why don’t more people vacation to Corsica? We didn’t get to explore the whole island, but if you don’t mind driving on winding roads through indescribably colossal mountains where a goat could suddenly appear around a reckless barrier free curve, this place is for you.

Medieval themed parties at Les Caves Saint Sabin

One of the greatest things to happen to me despite co-vid was the new friends I made in spite of it. They have become such dear friends I can’t believe I existed here in Paris for six years without them. One of our activities to replace other pre-covid pastimes was learning dances ranging from medieval to 19th century. I discovered I have a soft spot for the more fun and carefree dances like the Branle Cassandre and La Bourrée d’Avignon. (Click on text for links to videos) Which is great because in Paris there is an regular event with like minded individuals who get together on a monthly basis to party like its 1492 in a medieval cave bar. I waited all confinement to experience my first Taverne Médiévale (click for link) and at the end of September all my dreams came true. Dressing up as a historically inaccurate peasant to drink mead and dance for hours might have been one of the most memorable nights of my life.

Les Caves Saint Sabin (click text for link)
50 rue Saint Sabin Paris 75011

**The only negative is that it gets quite humid in the caves!**

La Coupole Parties

Have you ever wanted to experience Paris during the roaring 20’s? It turns out you don’t need a time machine or to watch “Midnight in Paris” for the 8th time to live it! Below the renowned Coupole restaurant is a nightclub that hosts regular themed parties thanks to an organizer known as La Baronne de Paname . (click text for link to her facebook page) Like The Great Gatsby on steroids, these champagne fueled parties offer live music (usually jazz) with frequent cabaret and burlesque mini performances. Each one is themed to honor a particular person from Les Années Folles and costumes range from basic Halloween Flapper to extravagant black tie glamour.

La Coupole (click text for link)
102 Boulevard du Montmarnasse Paris 75014

The 8km Course des Princesses at Versailles and the 10km Paris Centre

I like to run and I like history, so why not participate in races that are held in the gardens of Versailles or in the heart of Paris themselves! Can’t say I’ll be winning any medals anytime soon, but at least I feel less guilty about all the beer I drink!

And here are a few random photos including outdoor dinner parties (a cape makes all the difference), hanging out with my daughter and partner, my Halloween costume (IYKYK) and other odds and ends.

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Notre Dame McDamie Face

December 17, 2021 mwalesh

**= My own restoration plan for Notre Dame has not yet been officially recognized but its only a matter of time +**

Everybody’s favorite charred cathedral has been in the news recently for controversial restoration “updates” like mood lighting and light projections that many fear will turn the historic gothic edifice into a theme park.

Which brings me back to my own ND restoration (or rather renovation) proposal…

NOTRE DAME MCNOTREDAMIE FACE!
Go big or go home ami right?

850 year old relic of gothic worship, smership!

What Our Lady needs is some 21st century innovation!

And what better than some modern inspiration from other Paris landmarks, like the Centre Pompidou?
Thankfully we still have two towers to work with, so why not model one after Renzo Piano and Richard Rodger’s 1970’s masterpiece? Let’s destroy the right tower and put color coded architectural elements in its place! Who doesn’t love air vents?

**The pop of blue color will be aesthetically pleasing after eight centuries of dull beige**

That unsettling canapy covering the dodgy underground meca of shopping, transport, and illicit drug deals at Chatelet / Les Halles took more than a few years to install, but look how its thriving now! Why shouldn’t Notre Dame have its own protective covering?

Let’s not forget the huge donation promised by LVMH aka Louis Vuitton/Moët Hennessy. 200 million euros deserves a flag on top of the new Notre Dame non?
Mr. Selma Hayek (François-Henri Pinault) also promised 100 million buckaroos and since we are updating the cathedral, why not put a pretty face on those fugly gargoyles?
We can add the King of French Rock Johnny Hallyday too!

During the fire of April 15th, I was heartbroken to watch the medieval roof structure, including that majestic towering spire, burn and fall. But that’s to be expected when 850 year old matchsticks light up in an inferno?
Let’s go with a more durable, eco-friendly modern spire.. taking inspiration from I.M. Pei’s pyramid at the Louvre, I gave Notre Dame her own testament to longevity- A Glass Pyramidy Thing!
Now we can admire all the tourists seeking the perfect angle with their selfie sticks as they “touch” the tip!

While we are at it, let’s make this a place for everyone to enjoy, not just those prudish pilgrims!

From now on locals and tourists alike can enjoy lukewarm 15€ cocktails and IPAs on the new rooftop bar!
With the outdoor escalator (inspired by Centre Pompidou!) you can cruise past all those boring worshipers on your way to the bar! Sha-wing!

An authentic Nordic Chatelet could be added to the roof for a 30 person max capacity, complete with sauna and outdoor BBQ (equipped with fire extinguishers of course haha). Air BnB is taking over Paris, why not give them a little roof top space with 360 degree views, a hot tub, and mirrored ceilings? It ain’t sin if its outside the church right?

To appease even the most Bobo Parisian, we have a solution to get those pesky trotinettes off the sidewalks.. Park them on the roof of this holy gothic masterpiece of a cathedral!

And last but not least, large and obnoxious signs to remind even the most stubborn Parisian to pick up their dog poo and cigarette butts.

There I fixed it!
Or.. Not.

If you have read this entire post, hopefully you can read beyond the sarcasm. Notre Dame Cathedral should be restored as it was, taking as much time as necessary and using the best available materials as replacements.
If the Mona Lisa was damaged, would we update her to accommodate the 21st century?
No, she would be returned to her original condition, in the best way possible.
Let’s give Notre Dame de Paris the same courtesy.

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Summer 2021 Update

September 21, 2021 mwalesh

For the past three years I’ve had the luck to be able to spend my summers in America. Since I work as an English teacher in a preschool during the year in Paris, I have July and August off and prefer to return to Wisconsin so my daughter can enjoy fresh air, her cousins, and the beach close to my childhood home.

**The start of summer vacation, awaiting our flight at a very empty Charles de Gaulle Airport just before the big end of school rush**

I always say I have the best of both worlds to be able to live in Paris during the year and still give my daughter a taste of childhood in small town mid-west America for a few weeks in summer. I don’t think I could choose between the two.

I love Paris with all my heart but if I can avoid staying there in summer (especially now during covid-19), I will! Too hot, not enough to do, pools are over crowded, many places are closed, and if you do get a chance to escape Paris to go to the south or the coast, you find yourself asses to ankles with all the other also Parisians on the run from the city. If I wasn’t a mother it would be different, but my one big complaint about Paris is that it is just not kid friendly. I don’t say it with disgust, it’s my decision to stay here and subject myself to it when I do have the option of moving in the suburbs.. but if I have the choice to not be here for it, I’m OUT!

Growing up next to a beautiful beach and always having a ton of water activities, Paris feels like a desert in the summer. There’s the Seine river of course, but its not like you can jump in it! And if you want to know hell on earth; try being on a crowded bus on a hot Paris day. This might come as a shocker to Americans- but AC does not exist in Europe like it does in the states.

On the other end, leaving my family in Wisconsin is always a heart breaker, even though I know I don’t want to necessarily live there. I guess everything I took for granted before I moved to France- the wide aisles in stores, attached garages and big cars, air conditioning, king sized beds, cash back with debit card purchases, 24 hour Walgreens, automatic opening doors, even air so fresh you want to gulp it up like a cool beverage on a hot day: all of these things I just appreciate even more when I am home to enjoy them.

Giving my daughter the opportunity to know both of these environments and cultures is one of the best things I can do for her as a parent. How many American kids can say they know what its like to hop on a bus and arrive at the Louvre within 20 minutes or eat a gourmet three course lunch at school daily? How many Parisian kids can wake up and go outside on the patio to catch frogs (my daughter’s favorite thing to do) or roast s’mores by a fire at night?

**A ridiculously loaded Bloody Mary from Kewaunee, Wisconsin**

I thought about this often over the summer, especially since now at my eight year Paris anniversary where I finally feel really grounded in France. The best way I can explain it is that I consider Paris where my future is, but Wisconsin where my home is.

Maps, Paris with .. Kids, The Louvre and Palais Royal

Top 5 Butts of the Tuilleries Garden

April 8, 2021 mwalesh

After the great success of last year’s “Butts of the Louvre”, Paris History of our Streets is proud to present the second series, “Butts of the Tuileries”! So you think this is immature, vulgar, or in poor taste? You may be right, especially about the immature part.

But hear me out!

These statues have been admired for decades and they weren’t created by their sculptors to be appreciated only from the front. Chiseling such a delicately rounded shape in bronze or stone is an admirable skill and should be appreciated from all angles. This post is dedicated strictly to the oft forgotten and underappreciated sculptured derrières of the historic Tuileries Gardens.

Let’s take a moment and honor the diversity of these majestic booties and the talents of their creators!

Number 5 Les Fils de Cain (The Sons of Cain) Paul Landowski, 1906

_{You know the biblical story right? Cain is the son of Adam and Eve and he had an impressive number of offspring given that human production was still somewhat of a new concept. Here he is in the middle of his sons and each figure represents various strengths. From the right is Jubal and he depicts “thought” which is ironic because he is butt naked and you can’t call thought a strength if you forget to put your own clothes on right? Tubalcain is on the left and as a blacksmith, he represents “work”, which is an unfortunate trade to be wearing assless chaps in. Why Cain is wearing this giant modest cloak while his boys are letting it all hang out; who knows?}

Number 4 La Baigneuse aux Bras Levés (The Bather with Raised Arms) Artistide Maillol, 1921

_{Any other ladies out there put their messy buns together in the buff? The curve of this bather’s hips against the juxtaposition of her pointy elbows is elegant and flattering. I bet she’s a cheeky lady who “accidently” lets her undergarments fall off in front of the open window as she coyly steps into her steaming bath. The eye seems to float over her, admiring her sleekness with only the brief disruption of her butt crack.}

Number 3 Cain Venant de Tuer son Frère Abel (Cain Just Killed his Brother Abel) Henri Vidal, 1896

_{Here we are back to Cain again, only this time he’s ditched his cloak and he’s wandering around son-less and broken with his head in his hand. Of course he’s in the buff. He’s probably regretting killing his bro Abel, which is kind of a big deal when you’re left with the legacy as the World’s First Murderer responsible for the First Human Death. As the third human on earth, he could have been known for so many things, First Person to Tell a Joke, First Person to Whistle, even First Person to Shart- but he’ll forever be known as the First Guy to Slay his Brother. (He also had the first incestuous relationship with his sister but we can’t hold that against him given the lack of available partners at the time) At least we can all agree that he had a damn good-looking ass. Chances are favorable that he might have had the world’s sexiest heinie at some time, there wasn’t much competition, especially if you’ve killed 25% of your potential rivals. You could bounce a stone off those gluts, then blame it for killing your brother as its projected towards his head.}

NUMBER 2 Rivière Artistide Maillol, 1943

_{Well shit. This is embarrassing. I’ve fallen, and I’m naked. Everyone can see my butt and it’s not like I can claim to be into nude breakdancing. This is so awkward. Could you just divert your eyes to the Eiffel Tower over there while I try to gather what’s left of my dignity?}

THE NUMBER ONE ASS OF THE TUILERIES GARDENS

Alexandre Combattant (Alexander in Combat), Charles Leboeuf, 1836

_{Let’s get right to it. Testicles. Ballocks. Deez Nutz. Chin Warmers. I want to admire those defined shoulders and the muscular triceps, but my eye just keeps coming back to naughty bits. It must be cold outside. We are one missing hand away from having the first Sculptured Fruit bowl.}

HONORABLE ASS-MENTION

Faune au Chevreau d’après l’antique Paul Le Pautre, 1698

_{This is a Basic Ass; the Rear of the People. It’s defined with a commendable under butt crease. And that cute little tuff! Oh my heart, I love it and want to run my fingers through it. I bet he giggles and demurely slaps your hand away saying “Oh you’re so naughty!” if you tug it. I don’t know what this guy is doing frolicking around naked with a goat wrapped around his shoulders but I dig it.}

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The Meeting that Never Was

April 6, 2021May 10, 2021 mwalesh

Dear Diary,

I have a confession. I am disgusted with myself..

Today destiny led me to share a sidewalk with the Rector and Archpriest of Notre Dame Cathedral, Patrick Chauvet. Normal people want to cross paths with Movie Stars or famous singers or chefs- but I’ve been fan-girling the Boss of Notre Dame for years, (and Robin Williams, but that ship has sailed) even more so since the fire two years ago.

Watching interviews with him, I always loved how he seemed so NOT like how you would expect the Archpriest of the most famous cathedral in the world to be, stern and probably wearing a hair shirt under his starched white robes for 24/7 self penance.

Patrick Chauvet seemed so normal and friendly, like the kind of guy you could have a beer with and talk about the hilarious historical French series Camelot. I’m not a huge believer of manifesting destiny, but I even created this note on my phone last week when I was loitering around the cathedral on Holy Thursday hoping to run into him. I tend to forget names when I’m nervous and didn’t want to forget his or second guess it (or the name of the Archbishop and other people I’m too self conscious to share with you ).

**Wrote in my phone Thursday, Destiny Called Monday**

I knew it was only a matter of time until I’d run into him and I couldn’t wait for that day. I just didn’t think it would be so soon!

This morning, on an empty street not far from where he lives and the cathedral itself, he approached me from the opposite direction and I instantly knew it was him. Alone and carrying a grocery bag, there was no more of a perfect moment to greet him to say how much I admire him.

**The President and the Rector : A Love Story (?)**

But within those 10 seconds of him walking towards me, I panicked and then CHOKED! My self doubt began with how to address him.

Excusez moi Monseigner? Monsieur? Père? And OMG, WHAT DO I SAY?! I had no idea what to say!

I’m your biggest fan! Can I have a selfie?
So that fire sucked huh?
Fancy seeing you outside the office! Working hard or hardly working? hahaha

And so I shamefully lowered my head as he passed by, and my perfect opportunity with him. Oh well, next time I won’t blow it. Next time I’ll be ready!

Tell me, what would YOU say to the Head Honcho of Notre Dame Cathedral??