Musée Rodin Paris 75007
The Musée Rodin has got more booty than a pirate ship, and one might even call it’s namesake, the talented sculptor Auguste Rodin- the 19th century Sir Sculpts A Lot. Known as the father of modern sculpture and a bit of an odd duck, Auguste had a rough start to his career with most of his works being rejected, which is pretty much a right of passage as all famous artists know amiright?
Even though he was kind of a dick, he was considered the Messiah of Sculpture by his following of dedicated disciples (including his muse/lover/student Camille Claudel) who eventually became famous in their own rights.
What was so remarkable about Rodin was that he had the ability to make marble appear soft and natural, finding the beauty in the textured wrinkles and rolls of his subjects that gave the viewer a sense of their inner struggle. Because nothing says “God damn I’m ready to keel over and bite like the dust” like a saggy butt right?
His fusion of classic Greek sculpture updated with modern elements became part of the realism movement that made art critics of the time clutch their pearls and question everything they knew, especially with Rodin’s more sensual, avant-guard pieces. Auguste knew not only how to make a butt, but how to make you see beyond the butt. You can judge them for yourself, but this is my personal interpretation.
THE TOP FIVE BUTTS OF THE RODIN MUSEUM
NUMBER 5 Eve Rodin, 1881
I chose this butt because it reminds me of how I look when I get out of the shower and there is no towel hanging on the wall, so I have to tip toe my dripping wet ass to the closet to get a fresh one. Sure it’s not an elegant movement, but its legit. This butt belongs to Eve, and Auguste intended it to go with Adam on his famous Gates of Hell sculpture. I especially appreciated the creepy little man laughing beside Eve. He’s like that funny uncle who tells inappropriately dirty jokes he finds funnier than his audience. I’m guessing something like,
“Hey security! This sculpture is broken! It’s got a crack in it!”
“Can I borrow your butt? Mine has a hole in it”
“What’s the difference between a brown noser and a butt kisser? Depth perception.”
NUMBER 4 The Kiss Rodin, 1882
This is the world’s most beautiful ass grab during a steamy make out sesh. The hand isn’t just resting on her hip, you can actually see the indent it makes. That titillating shadow of a butt crack peeks out from the rock its perched upon (not ideal making out furniture) and the woman pulls her partner closer, a movement you can almost feel when you see how her spine is stretching. Apparently this couple is based on characters from Dante’s “Inferno” which I never read but Wikipedia tells me their sultry embrace is about to be cut short by the women’s husband. Ruh roh.
NUMBER 3 The Three Shades Rodin, 1886
“Abandon Your Hope and Pants, All Ye Who Enter Here!”
The only thing better than one tushy is three! Especially when they are damned to hell and eternal doors men for the gates of hell. We were meant to observe these naked sinners from above as they looked down upon us so it’s a pleasant change to check them out from the back. Auguste created them based on a scene from Dante’s “Divine Comedy” but the sculpture has reentered the limelight in recent years after inspiring Beyonce for her hit dance song “Single Ladies”.
NUMBER 2 Iris, Messenger of the Gods Rodin, 1891
WELL SPANK ME CROSS EYED this is graphic. It’s like the Sequel to Gustave Courbet’s “Origin of the World: Flexible Yogi Position”. I feel bad for the model who posed for this, I wonder if this is what the gynecologist sees when I struggle to get my foot in those stirrup thingy’s during our annual date. Can we really consider this a butt? My 13-year-old self as yes, as evidenced by my response when my 7rd grade health teacher asked me to identify the anatomy of a highly detailed photo of a vagina.
NUMBER ONE Ugolino and his Sons Rodin, 1881
Let’s just acknowledge the elephant in the room. Butthole. Chocolate Starfish. Anus. It’s like a bull’s eye when your eyes pass over it, and you feel drawn within. I want to tell you this is just a dad playfully wrestling with his kids, but nope. This is a guy from Dante’s Inferno who is imprisoned with his kids and he’s so hangry that he goes all Count Canibal and eats them. As a mother, I can relate, kinda. Bon appetit!